Handshake is very important thing. When you shake someone's hand, your brain releases the trust hormone oxytocin. You open up to communication, trust each other more, and even consider your handshake partner to be a nicer person. The same thing happens in his head. But it’s important not just to shake hands, but to do it correctly. How exactly - said Vanessa Van Edwards, psychologist and author of the book “The Science of Communication”.

1. Keep your hand vertical

During a handshake, the hand should be in a vertical position. This puts you and the other person on an equal footing.

Equality

If someone turns your hand over so that your wrist is visible, then they are trying to dominate. Never start a handshake from this position yourself. This is how you show your weakness.

2. Make eye contact

Eye contact is not a direct part of a handshake, but it has a huge impact on first impressions.

When you look into the eyes of another person, it is as if you are saying: “I want to communicate with you.” This look is much more important than the first words when meeting, because just like a handshake, it provokes the production of oxytocin. At a subconscious level, a person is perceived as open, pleasant, convincing and memorable. People will want to see you again and get to know you better.

If there is no eye contact at the first meeting, then for the brain it is like a red rag for a bull. The person gets irritated, thinks that something is being hidden from him, and treats you with suspicion.

3. Don't squeeze your hand too tightly

Squeeze your hand tightly: Limp handshakes are unpleasant and people will perceive you as an untrustworthy person who does not want to communicate. But don't do it too much so as to make anyone nervous. Handshakes that are too strong can be intimidating and uncomfortable.

4. Don't hold your hand for too long

The ideal handshake lasts 3-5 seconds. Taking too long causes confusion and awkwardness. Too short and abrupt - the feeling is that the person is not at all in the mood for communication and wants to leave quickly. But if you are really in a hurry and meet while running, then such a handshake would be appropriate.

5. Don't reach out with a wet hand

Shaking a wet palm is not a pleasant thing, but that’s not the only point. Your hands sweat when you're nervous, and being nervous won't produce good things. Do not extend a wet hand to greet, do not show your excitement to the other person. Carry tissues with you just in case.

6. Evaluate what is better in a particular situation: a handshake or a hug

When you meet an old friend, you can shake his hand and even hug him. Everyone will be comfortable. But when it comes to new people around you, you can get into an awkward situation and confuse the person. You need to know in advance what type of greeting will be appropriate.

Watch their body language when someone approaches you. If your arms cover your torso or one arm is extended towards you, then a handshake is appropriate, but a hug should not be done.

The time has come for the third article, and, this time, it will focus on a previously raised topic - the rules of a handshake for men. we have already talked about the existence of three various types handshakes and their interpretation, but today we will take a closer look at this issue. Let's get started!

If you are quite sociable or due to the specifics of your work you meet during the day a large number of people, then you probably have to shake hands often when answering greetings. Perhaps among friends, a handshake takes on greater “meaning”, especially if you are really happy to meet this or that person, but, more often than not, this ritual is perceived as an ordinary formality that must be performed. Behind all this veil of everyday life, consisting of a huge number of conventions, it is very difficult not only to analyze the greetings of other people, but also to simply understand why this extremely familiar ritual is actually performed. What exactly is a handshake? When is it appropriate to offer your hand in greeting and when is it not? How can you tell by a handshake what kind of person is in front of you? Today we will try to understand each of these issues.

History of the handshake

Few people know, but shaking hands is a rather ancient gesture. We will not delve into history, but, for example, this ritual is attested to in a bas-relief depicting the Babylonian king Marduk-zakir-shumi I shaking hands with the Assyrian king Shalmananaser III. This episode occurred in 855 BC. An impressive figure, isn't it? There is also a version, probably the most romantic and beautiful, that this gesture found its popularity during the Middle Ages at knightly tournaments. Despite the large number of hypotheses, the meaning of a handshake has always remained the same - to show the absence of a weapon in the right hand and, as a result, to demonstrate good intentions. Agree, it is more pleasant to shake hands with your boss or acquaintance, imagining yourself as a noble knight, than to do it without any reflection.

The knights' handshake is a gesture of respect at knightly tournaments

Speaking about the history of handshakes in Russia, it is worth noting that it was sacred meaning transmission of biorhythm, since when the wrists touch, the pulse also connects. It was customary to shake hands only with friends, while when greeting other people, it was enough to raise your hat. This is where the expression “casual acquaintance” comes from.

Handshake etiquette and rules

The history of the handshake may have a belligerent origin, but nowadays it is, first and foremost, a greeting, and, like any greeting, it must follow the rules of etiquette.

There are a few simple rules that any self-respecting gentleman must follow:

• They always offer a handshake right hand(this also applies to left-handers). Your free hand should not be in your pocket.
• When offering your hand for greeting, you should not keep it relaxed, just as you should not squeeze the other person’s palm too hard. The handshake should be calm, firm (not to be confused with strong) and short.
• If you are introduced to another person, he should extend his hand first.
• When meeting a woman, she decides whether there will be a handshake or not. Etiquette dictates that a woman should offer her hand first. When people of different ages meet, the initiative to make the first move belongs to the one who is older. If your opponent decides to make do with a bow, nod or other gesture, you should not insist on a handshake, as your hand may simply hang in the air without an answer, and you will find yourself in an unpleasant situation.
• If you meet with a group of people, among whom there is an acquaintance, etiquette obliges you to shake hands with everyone present.
• Etiquette requires men to remove their gloves before greeting. This rule has exceptions, for example, in winter time of the year. Both hands participating in the ritual must be either gloved or without them. If your friend managed to take off his glove, you will have to follow his example.
• When leaving a small company, it would be appropriate to shake hands with everyone present. If there are many people gathered, a verbal farewell will be sufficient.

Sign language. Palms

Let's move on to our main issue, namely, sign language. When talking about a handshake, one cannot fail to mention the palms; after all, it is the palms that are involved in this ritual.

Fun fact. At all times, an open palm has been associated with honesty and sincerity. That is why oaths are taken with the palm of the hand on the heart, and abroad, when testifying in court, the Bible is held in the left hand and the right hand is raised up so that it is visible to the members of the court. These traditions are not without foundation, since the position of the palms can really make it clear about a person’s intentions.

The easiest way to tell if the recipient is sincere with you is to watch his palms. When people are being honest, they hold out one or two palms while saying something like, “I'll be honest with you!” When the recipient is frank enough, he opens his palms completely or partially. Like many gestures, this movement is completely unconscious.

• When children lie, they hide their palms behind their backs.
• If the wife wants to hide where she was all night, during explanations she will hide her palms in her pockets or keep them crossed.

A natural question arises. If I lie, but keep my palms in sight, will they believe me? It is impossible to give a definite answer. There are many other gestures that accompany lying. If they are noticeable, they will allow you to doubt your sincerity. On the contrary, if there are no noticeable ones, then, most likely, other gestures symbolizing your sincerity will also not be noticeable. We will not delve into this topic, since the purpose of this article is to interpret gestures, and not to teach how to lie to others. Instead, here's enough for you helpful advice. To increase the trust of others, make it a habit to keep your palms open while talking. This will encourage your interlocutors to be more open and trusting with you. In addition, this will reduce the number of lies both in your speech and in the speech of your interlocutors, since most people cannot lie when their palms are open.

One of the most significant and subtle non-verbal signals is the signal transmitted by the human palm. At correct use it gives people a greater level of authority and, in some cases, the ability to command others.

There are three types of command gestures. Let's look at them using a specific example. You should ask, for example, a colleague at work to pick up a box from the floor and place it on a cabinet, using the same words, tone of voice and facial expression. Only the position of the palm will change.

1. Open palm up position. Does not carry any threatening context. Seeing such a gesture, the person will not feel any pressure from you and will perceive all this as an ordinary request.
2. Open palm down position. This gesture carries a connotation of authority. With some probability it may cause hostility, since a person may perceive this situation as an order. If your colleague is of an equal position with you, the request may not be fulfilled.
3. "Pointing finger." Associated with coercion into submission. It is one of the most annoying gestures during dialogue. If you actively use this gesture, then try to replace it with the two previous gestures. This will help achieve great success in communication with others.

Sign language. Handshake

In one of the previous articles, we already looked at the types of handshake. Depending on the position of the palms, it can denote superiority, submission and equality. To refresh your memories, let's give an example.

You meet someone for the first time, and you greet each other with a regular handshake. Depending on the position of your recipient's palm, it may mean the following:

1. Palm facing down - “This guy is trying to put pressure on me, I should be careful.”
2. Palm facing up - “Perhaps I can put pressure on this person, it’s worth taking this fact into account.”
3. Palms parallel to each other - “I definitely like this guy. We'll get along."

This information is transmitted unconsciously; after a series of training, you can train yourself to use this or that handshake to have the desired effect on others.

It is worth noting that there are exceptions to the rules. For example, people suffering from arthritis are forced to respond with a weak handshake. A limp handshake is also typical for a number of professions, for example, surgeons and musicians.

To accurately determine what kind of person is in front of you, observe his subsequent actions. A compliant person, in the future, will demonstrate other gestures that characterize him as a submissive recipient, and a domineering person will show his aggressiveness. If two powerful people greet each other, a symbolic struggle occurs between them, during which each tries to subjugate the opponent’s hand. Often this struggle results in an equal handshake in which both hands remain vertical and both people develop a sense of mutual respect. This is exactly the kind of handshake that a father teaches his son when he asks him to greet him “like a man.”

If you are greeting a powerful person, it is very difficult to persuade him to shake hands equally, and even more difficult to do it in the least noticeable way. Previously, we have already considered one of the ways to return the initiative to our own hands, but now the time has come to introduce another method of disarming such people. It will allow you not only to take control of the situation, but also to confuse the recipient with an invasion of your personal zone.

To learn this technique, you need to train the following movements:

• Movement one. When you take the power person's hand, step forward with your left foot. I recommend that you always lean forward to shake hands with your left leg, even if you do not use the technique described. This will give you room to maneuver and allow you to neutralize a dominant handshake if something happens.
• Movement two. Move your right foot forward and stand in front of the recipient on the left, moving into his personal area.
• Movement three. Place your left foot behind your right and shake your partner's hand.

This technique allows you to bring your opponent’s palm to a different position, as well as become the master of the situation, since you have violated your partner’s intimate area.

Other types of handshakes

Finally

Well, in this article we have briefly, but as informatively as possible, understood the types of handshakes, and also understood several basic rules of etiquette. As we found out, a handshake can make it clear what kind of person is in front of us, and, as they say, whoever has the information controls the situation.

Take care of your time and all the best to you!

A few seconds are enough to form a first impression of a person. Once upon a time an ornate wish for long years and health has been transformed into the modern short “hello”. How to say hello correctly, thereby showing respect for the person? You need to know some nuances of greeting etiquette.

Who is first?

It is considered good manners to greet everyone you frequently encounter. It’s worth saying hello not only to your acquaintances, but also to complete strangers if you approach them with a request or question. This rule applies to postmen, store clerks, and bartenders in your favorite cafe. In this case, the words of greeting must be pronounced clearly, not quickly, but not too slowly. And don’t forget about a friendly tone and smile. Drive away gloomy thoughts for these seconds, because to some extent a person’s mood depends on you.

According to the rules of etiquette, the first to greet those who are younger are the older, the men are the first to greet women, those who are late are those who are waiting, those who are overtaking those standing, those who are entering with those present. But if the man is much older than the woman, she will greet the older man first.

A man greets both women and other men while standing. It is permissible to pronounce a phrase while sitting only in cases where he is sick, has reached old age, or is in an official setting.

There are generally accepted norms for married couples. When meeting, the women greet each other first, then the men greet the ladies, and finally the men shake hands.

If your companion meets and greets a stranger, it is good form to follow his example. And when entering a room where there are many people, you should greet everyone with a general “hello.” Etiquette allows you not to greet everyone individually.

If you did not recognize or did not notice the person, then you need to greet him with words of apology for the annoying mistake.

The ritual is optional

In ancient times, this action served as a signal of peacefulness. By extending his hand, the man seemed to say: “I came with good intentions, there is no weapon in my hand.” IN modern society a handshake is a sign of affection. It is not a mandatory ritual, but is often used to complete words of greeting.

The right hand is used for a handshake. If she is busy, dirty or injured, you can perform a greeting ritual with your left. But at the same time you should apologize. The second hand should not be in your pocket - this is bad manners.

The older person should be the first to shake hands with the younger one. When meeting male peers, greeting and extending your hand to shake are required at the same time. In any case, the outstretched hand should not remain hanging in the air. Not returning a handshake is tantamount to an insult.

When meeting people of different sexes, the right to decide on a handshake belongs to the woman. She should be the first to offer her hand. But if a man does this first, his action will not be a gross violation of the norms of greeting etiquette. In a situation where you approach a group and shake hands with one person, do the same with the rest of those present.

If a woman or a senior in position or age does not offer her hand, you should bow slightly. Sticking out a few fingers or fingertips is tactless. The handshake should not be too strong or, conversely, too weak. It is indecent to shake your hand, and it is not recommended to shake it with both hands.

Etiquette allows women not to remove their gloves either indoors (if it is part of the toilet) or outdoors. Exception: in winter-autumn, thick mittens.

Light touch

Hugs and kisses when greeting greatly depend on cultural traditions and norms in different countries. So, in Spain or countries Latin America hugs from men can be found often. This gesture expresses special sympathy and affection. In others European countries, countries North America They treat violent hugs when meeting with more restraint. In Europe, the accepted form of greeting is “cheek to cheek,” which originates from the ritual of admission to the order of knighthood. Among young people, a light kiss on the cheek is often used. In other cases, you should not overuse this kind of greeting, especially if there are doubts that it will look natural.

A man can greet a woman with a kiss on her hand. Previously, this method of greeting was only permissible for married and elderly ladies. Today you can kiss a hand, regardless of age or Family status women. However, the following rules must be observed: you cannot pull a woman’s hand towards you, the man must lean in for a kiss; It is not customary to kiss the back of the hand; Don't kiss your hand on the street. A woman should not withdraw her hand when kissing her, but she should not specifically demand a kiss on her hand either. A kiss on the hand is just a light touch of the lips.

Knowing the rules is an opportunity to behave relaxed and confident in any society. And if you suddenly become confused about the nuances of greeting etiquette, follow the advice expressed by Count A. A. Ignatiev, author of the book “50 Years in the Service”: “Of two officers... the one who is more polite and well-mannered is the first to greet.”

» Handshake, meaning

What does a handshake say? Different types handshakes and their meaning

A handshake is essential element nonverbal communication. It is the key that opens or closes the door if only you give it the necessary and sufficient attention.

A handshake is also a magical test that allows you to quickly and with high confidence find out whether the conversation will end with a positive result easily and naturally, or whether you will have to work hard to get the expected result. Knowing that shaking hands too quickly predicts a fruitless conversation can be very helpful. It will be equally useful to always remember that an exaggerated handshake communicates that you are a very welcome guest.

Sluggish, flaccid, strong, short, medium or endless handshakes - they all say a lot about the person you are dealing with. By carefully listening to the sensations of a handshake, you can understand a lot about your interlocutor and avoid wasting valuable time in fruitless negotiations.

What does a handshake mean?

When you meet someone, the first thing you notice is how they extend their hand.

When shaking hands, your interlocutor holds his hand at a right angle, pressing his elbow to his body.

Such a gesture belongs to a subject who has nothing to offer you except his own time. You are obliged to him just because he agreed to accept you. If you do not have an urgent need to convince or seduce this person, reduce the time of the visit to a minimum, since you will not receive any benefit. Your interlocutor is inaccessible, closed and very calculating.

The hand of your interlocutor remains glued to the body.

This forces you to reach out to shake his hand. In this case, you find yourself face to face with a character who values ​​​​his privileges and is not inclined to show sympathy at first.

Your interlocutor extends his hand far to shake hands.

Most likely, he needs your support, which is why he extends his hand - so that you come to the rescue. He becomes completely accessible and will inevitably become disposed and spontaneous. This handshake means a friendly welcome.

Your interlocutor unrestrainedly extends his hand in your direction.

Being an extrovert, he just helps you settle in faster. He will agree to buy your product or service if you can present your arguments at the RIGHT moment.

When shaking hands, the interlocutor extends only his fingertips to you.

Such a handshake betrays a fugitive who is responsible for something only in words. It’s a shame that such a person can later put on a friendly face, which is why you simply forget about how he faked it in the very beginning.

So, the above handshake is a real confession of faking or concealing. Your interlocutor will pretend to accept you, will pretend to listen to you and promise you to think about it, pretending to see you off. It's all make-believe, including you!

With a wide smile, the interlocutor extends his hands for a handshake. left hand, although he is definitely not left-handed.

Even if his right hand is occupied, such a greeting, accompanied by a hypocritical smile, is clean water an expression of antipathy. In fencing, at the end of a fight, opponents who do not respect each other shake hands with their left hands. A provocateur, gossiper or manipulator will always do his best to squeeze you in the door and get everything out of you. He will repeat lies in order to find out the truth, betray everyone and everything (don’t be fooled, you too) and will meaningfully pretend that some divine revelations are available to him.

If you are discerning enough to anticipate this gesture, we strongly recommend that you do not shake his hand. At least it will make him respect you. The next time you meet him, refuse his left hand if he does not consider it possible to extend his right. If, in spite of everything, you are forced to answer such a handshake, tie a knot in your handkerchief. This knot will remind you of what awaits you if you contact this person.

The interlocutor shakes your hands and forearms with both hands with a smile.

If the person you're talking to shakes your hands and forearms with both hands, you're trapped. He has the initiative and from the very beginning of the game neutralizes all your defensive and offensive mechanisms. This handshake can also indicate that both characters are in dire straits and need each other. This type of handshake reveals a predator.

The interlocutor shakes your hand, folding his hand in the shape of a duck’s beak.

Another handshake that communicates that you are not particularly welcome, or that the other person does not really respect you. This contemptuous type does not even consider it necessary to hide his attitude. He uses this simple manipulation to force you to open your cards. If you are lucky, you will be able to see his behavior towards you change. He will not even deny himself the pleasure of justifying the coldness at the beginning of the conversation as some kind of misunderstanding. Hypocritical and vicious, he will quickly pluck you like a chicken if you give him the opportunity.

The most commonly seen handshake is the average handshake with the arm bent. The hand is bent at a right or obtuse angle, the handshake is energetic, but without excesses. Your interlocutor is generally constructive, but wants to learn more and get to know you better. A priori, he is moderately open, but everything will change if you manage to arouse his interest. A bent hand appears less friendly than a long handshake. Be as careful as possible if you meet with your interlocutor for work matters, whether employment or cooperation. A long handshake will be the exception, a medium one will be the norm, as for a short handshake, it belongs to people in power or posing as such.

The meaning of the hand when shaking hands

Now let's look at the position of the hand when shaking hands. Most often, the interlocutor’s hand is located vertically and parallel to yours.

• horizontal palm facing upward (instep support);
• horizontal palm facing down (pronator);
• vertical palm.

Most handshakes happen in the latter way, but it also happens that when meeting people, the handshake is involved in a game of primacy.

The subject extending his hand with his palm down is submissive, upward - dominant. The hand turned upward has at its disposal large quantity handshakes than turned down. By observing the position of the hands during a handshake, you can instantly determine the relative hierarchical position of the greeters. The person who holds out his hand, palm down, is directly influenced by the one whose hand is turned, palm up.

What then is a vertical handshake? Neither dominant nor submissive, but equal. From the very beginning, your interlocutor wants to be on an equal footing with you.

It also happens when, when shaking hands, the hands meet, but the palms do not touch. Although your interlocutor greets you with a wide smile and energetically extends his hand, there is no exchange of energy with such a handshake. The palms are away from each other. You won't pay attention to the way you shake hands if your thoughts are occupied with something else, such as the upcoming conversation. Meanwhile, the air cushion clearly indicates that your palm and the palm of your interlocutor are avoiding each other. There is no sympathy on the meeting menu.

Repulsion often comes from the one who extends his hand turned inward, palm down. Those turning palm down give up the initiative from the very beginning of the game, while those turning up try to impose their superiority at the same time. You are an unexpected guest. And if at the end of the meeting such a handshake is repeated again, then you will receive confirmation of your first observation.

Handshake distance

The distance between you and the person shaking hands is just as (if not more) important than the way you shake hands. It is a reliable indicator of the level of affection of your counterpart. We tend to stay close to people who are close and attractive to us, and further away from people we don’t like. A comfortable interpersonal distance with loved ones and friends is down to a minimum, with colleagues - about 0.5-1 m. It is better to stay even further with your boss.

A sharp reduction in the distance when shaking hands can lead to loss of orientation in the semantic structure of the conversation. The interlocutors feel somehow uncomfortable. By the reaction of your interlocutor, you can see that you are breaking the distance. If you invade her/his personal space while shaking hands, he/she will feel discomfort and try to move away from you. One leans over his desk, the other leans back in his chair and thus maintains a distance for escape. If it is impossible to move away (for example, in a cramped elevator), he will take a closed pose (arms crossed on his chest, legs crossed, etc.).

Vigorous handshake

You probably weren’t particularly surprised when farewells after negotiations were accompanied by more energetic handshakes than the meeting; an indispensable condition is that mutual sympathy was born in the process of dialogue. It also happens the other way around, when after unsuccessful attempts to reach an agreement, the farewell handshake is omitted with the tacit consent of both parties.

In any case, be very careful about the manner in which you shake your hand. No matter how short the handshake, the joining of hands must be pleasant, otherwise it is in your best interests to take the distance.

Enough most of your feelings and those of your interlocutor are expressed in the blink of an eye when your palms touch. The social intelligence of your hands is a powerful subconscious signal of likes or dislikes that your consciousness hides as it is conquered by the goal being achieved.

Firm handshake

Every time someone shakes your hand, they squeeze it too tightly.

For example, when a boss crushes your hand when shaking it, he is demonstrating his strong-willed character. He clearly lacks confidence, otherwise there would be no need for this boasting.

This handshake is often found among those who are in search of conflict in order to get rid of a painful feeling of inferiority. This is quite popular, although far from the only one and not the most The best way boost your self-esteem when you feel vulnerable. If you react with a grimace of exaggerated pain, he will like it. Your facial expressions will warm his pride. “You are strong,” your hand will say, clamped as if in a vice.

Limp handshake

Through this tactile exchange, you can transmit an energetic signal to another or refuse it to him. A sluggish hand is the same case when energy metabolism is denied.

A limp handshake usually belongs to a person with a weak-willed character, even if he has some power. Do not trust the scope of his activities or reputation, they are inflated; trust his handshake, which is more eloquent than his fake smile. This is a weakling. A limp handshake usually belongs to a perpetual student or politician whose ambitions are infinitely inflated compared to his charisma and real leadership potential.

Mechanical handshake

The interlocutor shakes your hand, looking over your shoulder. This is a mechanical handshake. It indicates a lack of respect for the owner of the outstretched hand, who is perceived as something ghostly.

Languid handshake

The interlocutor languidly holds her hand, palm down, in yours, as if for a kiss. A handshake dominates her complaints and complaints. Your interlocutor is really submissive or very sensual, which can get along very well. This type of handshake betrays a submissive woman, in love with the masculine power or irresistibility of her interlocutor. This contact is pleasant, although a little sluggish.

Your interlocutor shakes your hand with feigned languor, while you noticed that he greeted others present differently. This special handshake signifies a refusal to recognize you as an equal or even worthy.

Handshake with fingers

Instead of extending their hand to you, they only extend their index finger to you.

In the eyes of your interlocutor there is only a virtual image that will dissipate ten seconds after you leave. Your interlocutor is symbolically preparing to say goodbye to you before even meeting you. Such a gesture betrays demotivation, additionally colored by distrust towards the one to whom he gives a finger instead of an open hand.

If your interlocutor has the habit of shaking hands in this way, know that he belongs to the category of people who get down to business only superficially and keep their promises in exceptional cases.

Is there a difference in the meaning of a gesture depending on the number of fingers extended? Hardly. In any case, we do not recommend getting close to a person who shakes your hand in this way. And if, despite everything, you still have to endure shaking hands with your fingers for family or any other reasons, think of something to avoid shaking hands next time; you can try to copy the gesture and extend your finger in response

Elusive handshake

When shaking hands, your gaze wanders off somewhere far away. A fascinating sight, since this pose gives the manipulator the appearance of almost a biblical prophet. “I see even further than you can guess” - this is hidden meaning this handshake.

Some Democratic politicians overuse this view and do not realize that they are devaluing their public image. A dictator may have the same habit, but he is sure that he does not risk losing votes because of some kind of gesture. Take a closer look at the small bosses with a similar outlook that you meet in the office, it can be educational.

When shaking hands, the other person's hand slips away like an eel. You barely have time to shake his hand before yours turns out to be completely empty, hanging in the air. If your interlocutor shakes hands in an elusive manner, run! The duality of man is highest degree hypocrisy, and you will see this very soon. You are standing in front of a scammer who, at best, will give you a fake smile. You have to be completely blind and deaf to trust him. He is stingier than Moliere's Harpagon (the character who personifies greed). If you are going to sell him something, even if the deal goes through, he will find many reasons why you will reduce the price.

Touching the shoulder when shaking hands

Standing to the side of you, the interlocutor places his right hand on your left shoulder. Shoulder squeezing is typically manipulative intimacy if it occurs outside of a friendly or romantic acquaintance.

The same thing can happen with right side, but then the meaning will be completely different. The right shoulder is the symbolic center of ambition, and by placing your hand on it, your interlocutor is probably playing overlord.

For example, the boss leaves his office to go around all the departments of the enterprise and greet the employees and give everyone an additional word of encouragement. After shaking hands, he always places his hand on the employee’s right shoulder.

Therefore, touching the shoulder is a common sign of an aggressive (or invading) handshake.

Invading (aggressive) handshake

It also occurs with touching other parts of the body. This kind of handshake is a little intrusive, and the physical intrusion is only a prelude to the psychological one. A conqueror is almost always a liar. He lures you into his field by force. He pulls you into his desires. His handshake is a micro-message that expresses his goals briefly and clearly. He is counting on you completely and completely even before you have agreed to anything.

If such a handshake comes from one another, then there is nothing more to talk about. However, there are some friends with whom it is better to be enemies. But if they are in a business relationship with you, then you urgently need to take it back. Your interlocutor expects to ask you much more than you will be able to offer him. He wants to influence or manipulate you from the first minute he meets you.

The classic conqueror is a cattle driver, and physical contact is his weapon of choice. He will squeeze your hand with such enthusiasm, as if you had met after twenty years of separation. He will grab your elbow, cling to your sleeve, emphasizing his speech, in short, he will take over your body. Running from the field in such conditions is not very convenient. But if you remember this method of manipulation, in case of alarm, your mistrust will receive the necessary evidence.

Two-handed handshake

If the interlocutor shakes your hand with both hands, then he is pretending to be friendly, which he does not feel at all. Outwardly, this is an ardent gesture, but such a handshake betrays the predatory nature of the one who performs it. The interlocutor pretends that you are the same person whom you have been looking forward to for so long and who has finally arrived.

What does a two-handed handshake mean? If your boss shakes your hand this way, it’s better to prepare in advance for petty nagging or even punishment. If we are talking about a visit from a merchant, don’t give a damn about all his offers, since he only needs to expand his business, and you are a lucky victim who will allow him to get out of a difficult situation. Why does he need both hands? Perhaps in order to imprison your mechanisms of determination...

Long handshake

The interlocutor squeezes your hand for an exaggeratedly long time and does not actually let go of it.

The longer the handshake, the more false it is. This handshake is an act of manipulation, a kind of hidden submission under the guise of friendliness. Logically clasp the right hand, which symbolizes the left hemisphere of the brain, that is, the rational intellect.

An abnormally long handshake is a carefully calculated way to absorb and subjugate your logical thinking and turn off defensive reactions. A long handshake is one of the favorite gestures of all kinds of gurus. He does not need you, but your unconditional acceptance of his doctrine and submission to his desires.

During seduction, the initiator of the endless handshake tries to convey love message to a person whom he really likes, but to whom he does not want to declare his love. He holds his hand as long as possible, looking for the slightest hint of reciprocity or refusal on his victim's face. With this handshake, a double grip is possible at the level of the wrist, the center of feelings of security and uncertainty. An unconscious way to calm the interlocutor by expanding the channel of emotional exchange.

If this is your friend, then it is better to keep your distance, since his friendship may entirely depend on the benefits derived from it. The gesture is aimed at penetrating your defense system. Along with this, the handshake in question is often accompanied by what are called carnivorous hands - your hand is enclosed in the jaw clenched hands interlocutor.

“Can I get my hand back?” This witty joke is practically the only way to restore sufficient distance with the manipulator without offending him too much. If you watch his eyes closely as he loosens his grip, you may notice a gleam that betrays disappointment. It was as if he realized that you had thwarted his plans and your critical thinking was working again. Don't let your guard down throughout the conversation; Exaggeratedly long handshakes are synonymous with a hidden threat from someone who is trying to take over your hand, and therefore your mind.

Handshake while sitting

The owner of the office shakes your hand without even bothering to stand up to greet you. Not a single overlord rises to greet his vassal. If he did so, he would signal hierarchical equality. A boss who receives you in this way needs any confirmation of his shaky authority. But if he gets up to walk you to the door, you can be sure that you have conquered him. If he lets you go without getting up, he thinks you have wasted his precious time. It is precisely by such little things that you can evaluate the results of a meeting or meeting.

Who gives their hand first when shaking hands?

If your interlocutor is the first to extend his hand to shake hands, then you have carte blanche. If you are, then you will have to work hard to convince him of the benefits of your visit.

In any game, the one who extends his hand first most often loses. Therefore, the popular expression “The main thing is the ability to pause; the bigger the artist, the longer his pause. Don’t pause unnecessarily, and if you take one, take it as long as you can!” Can also be applied to a handshake. If you are waiting for your interlocutor to extend his hand to you first, try to hold the pause until the last moment.

Handshake refusal

Did one of those present refuse to shake your hand? Forgets or refuses, leaving his hands in his pockets, crossed or lowered along his body? A missed handshake is a sign of either a lack of respect or contempt on the part of your interlocutor. They do not shake hands with an enemy or a boor. Some super-humble people also find it difficult to step up and shake hands with their colleagues.

If this happens, go out, you don’t even have to apologize. Refusal to shake hands- this is pure recognition of antipathy. You will receive enormous benefits, much greater than what you could claim after the meeting. When someone refuses to shake an outstretched hand, this is a signal that an agreement cannot be reached.

Prepared from: Messinger J. C. Ces gestes qui vous trahissent - Paris: France, 2013

Who should shake hands first?

Although it is common in modern society to shake hands when meeting for the first time, in some circumstances you should not initiate a handshake. Considering that a handshake is a sign of trust and cordiality, you should first ask yourself a few questions. Are I welcome? Is this person happy to meet me or am I forcing him to greet me? Sellers know very well that by shaking the buyer’s hand and doing it without warning or introduction, they cause a negative reaction in the person. A potential buyer may back out of a purchase if they feel pressured into a handshake. In such circumstances, it is better for the seller to wait until the buyer himself expresses a desire to shake his hand. If the buyer does not have such a desire, then it would be more appropriate to limit himself to a friendly nod. In some countries, it is not customary to shake hands with women (in Muslim countries, for example, such an act is considered offensive; a slight nod is enough). However, in Lately the number of women ready to shake hands when meeting or parting is increasingly growing. A firm handshake immediately conveys openness and makes a good impression.

How does the desire for control and dominance manifest itself?

Taking into account what we just said about the effect of a hand facing down or up, let's analyze the handshake.

During the Roman Empire, noble Romans greeted each other with something like modern arm wrestling in a standing position. If one of the men was stronger than the other, his hand was on top. We will call this position - hand on top.

Let's say you've just met someone and greet them with a handshake. At this time, you can feel the interlocutor’s attitude towards you and draw certain conclusions.

Dominance: “He's trying to gain control over me. I have to be careful."

Submission: “I can control this person. He will do what I want."

Equality: “With such a person I feel free and easy.”

Such signals are sent and received unconsciously, but immediately influence the outcome of the meeting. In the 1970s, we documented the impact of the handshake on relationships and began teaching the skill in our workshops. With a little practice, you can radically change people's attitudes towards you.

Dominance is conveyed by turning your hand ( see picture, striped sleeve) in such a way that the palm turns down during the handshake. The palm doesn't have to be facing straight down, but your hand is still on top. Thus, you show your interlocutor that you are trying to gain control. over the situation.

Establishing control

We surveyed 350 successful CEOs of large enterprises (89% of them were men) and found that almost all of them were the first to initiate a handshake. 88% of men and 31% of women placed their hand in a dominant manner. Power and control were less important to women, so only one in three businesswomen placed their hand on top when shaking hands. We have also found that some women deliberately shake men's hands in a rather timid manner in order to simulate some semblance of submissiveness. In this way, they emphasized their femininity and made it clear that the desire for dominance was alien to them. However, in a business setting, such an approach can turn into a real disaster for a woman, because male partners will begin to pay attention to her feminine charms and will not take her seriously. Overly feminine ladies at business meetings are not taken seriously by either men or other women. And this is a scientifically proven fact, although our words do not sound too politically correct. We do not mean at all to say that businesswoman must be masculine. She just shouldn’t send purely feminine signals. Don't wear short skirts or high heels, and avoid timid handshakes. This is the only way you can achieve true equality.

Women who send overly feminine signals in business settings lose credibility.

In 2001, William Chaplin of the University of Alabama conducted a study on handshakes and found that extroverts shake hands firmly and authoritatively, while timid, neurotic people never do so. Chaplin also discovered that women who were open to new ideas shook hands quite vigorously. Men can shake hands firmly in any circumstance. Thus, it makes sense for women seeking to achieve a respectable position in the business world to learn how to use a strong handshake.

Submissive handshake

The opposite of a vigorous handshake is a position in which your hand ( see picture, striped sleeve) is placed with the palm up. Thus, you symbolically transfer control to the interlocutor, just as a dog demonstrates its throat to a stronger dog.

This handshake is quite effective if you consciously want to give the other person control of the situation or want to let him know that he is dominant in your relationship. A submissive handshake is appropriate if you are going to apologize.

Although placing the hand palm down generally demonstrates submissiveness and submission, in some circumstances such the interpretation turns out to be erroneous. A person suffering from arthritis will never shake your hand tightly and will always turn their palm up because this position is less painful for them. A weak handshake is also typical for those who are engaged in fine handmade, - for surgeons, artists and musicians. Such people protect their precious hands with all their might. When analyzing a handshake in these circumstances, you must take into account the other gestures in the chain. In a weak, submissive person, you will definitely notice characteristic gestures. An energetic and powerful person will certainly demonstrate his power in other ways.

Submissive handshake

How to establish equality

When two energetic, powerful people meet, a handshake turns into a kind of power play. Everyone strives to move the other person's hand into a subordinate position. As a result, both hands remain in a vertical position, which immediately creates an atmosphere of equality and mutual respect. In such circumstances, the interlocutors are not inferior to each other.

Showing equality

How to create an atmosphere of trust

If you want to create an atmosphere of trust with a handshake, you need to take two aspects into account. First, make sure that both your palm and your interlocutor's palm are in a vertical position, that is, so that neither person in the conversation is in a dominant or submissive position. Secondly, shake the other person's hand with the same strength as him. Let's determine the grip strength by scale from 1 to 10. If you shake hands with a strength of 7, and your interlocutor is only 5, you need to loosen your grip by 20%. If the interlocutor shakes hands with a force of 9, and you are only 7, you need to strengthen your handshake. When meeting with a large group of people, you must correctly assess the strength of each handshake and respond accordingly. This is the only way you can establish an atmosphere of trust and equality with everyone present! Remember that the average man is about twice as strong as the average woman. In the process of evolution, the pressure force male hands reached 45 kg, which is manifested during activities such as shaking, carrying heavy objects, tearing, throwing and hitting.

Remember that a handshake is a gesture of greeting, goodbye or closing a deal, so it should always be warm, friendly and positive.

How to stop the power play

The palm down push is reminiscent of the Nazi salute. This is the most aggressive type of handshake, since the interlocutor has virtually no chance to establish equality. This kind of handshake is typical for powerful, dominant people who always initiate the handshake and place their hand palm down, forcing the other person to take a subordinate position.

Palm down push

If you feel like a person is shaking your hand in this way, you have several options.

1. “Step to the right” technique

If you are forced into a subordinate position during a handshake (and many men do just that), it is quite difficult to move the other person's hand into an equal position. In addition, such actions are too obvious.

Then take a step forward with your right foot, thereby invading the other person's personal space. Finally, to complete the maneuver, place your left foot next to your right ( cm. drawing) and shake the other person’s hand. This technique will allow you to straighten your handshake or even move your partner’s hand into a subordinate position. By invading the other person's personal space, you can take control of the situation.

Analyze your own handshake. Find out which foot you take when extending your hand to your interlocutor.

The dominant interlocutor seeks to gain control

Step forward with your left foot

Step forward with your right foot and turn the other person's hand palm up

Most people step with their right foot, but they lose the advantage of a dominant handshake because they have nowhere to move and it allows the other person to take control of the situation. Practice stepping with your left foot and you'll immediately find it easier to deal with those who try to control you with a handshake.

2. “Palm on top” technique

If the other person tries to move your hand to a palm-up position, do not resist, but then cover their right hand with your left. Thus, it turns out that you are shaking his hand with both hands at once. In this position, it will be easy for you to move the other person’s hand into an equal handshake.

Two-handed handshake

This technique will allow you to take control of the situation and simplify further communication. In addition, a two-handed handshake is very convenient for women. If you feel that the other person is deliberately trying to intimidate you and does this constantly, take his hand from above and then shake it (see picture). This can literally defeat your interlocutor, so we do not recommend resorting to this technique often. Consider it as a kind of “first aid”, a last resort.

Last exit

Cold, clammy handshake

Nobody likes a cold, clammy handshake that feels like you're holding a dead fish in your hands. Due to the tension when meeting with strangers blood drains from the surface layer of the skin and flows to the muscles of the arms and legs. This is a natural preparation for the fight or flight response. As a result, the temperature of the hands decreases, sweating increases, the hands become cold and sticky, reminiscent of a cold sausage or dead fish. We advise you to always have a handkerchief in your pocket or purse so that you have the opportunity before meeting with someone important to you. person to quickly wet their palms and not make a bad impression. Before meeting a stranger, you can also imagine that you are holding your palms in front of a burning fireplace. This visualization usually raises the temperature of the palms by 3-4 degrees.